Wuya grumbled as she made her way through the ruins of the western abbey. She was certain she'd left a few wu here centuries ago, back when it had been home to a thriving community of Satanic nuns, but now it was little more than a pile of rocks that was slightly more organized than average and a historical plaque announcing that it used to be an abbey and a little knot of people from one of those damn ghost hunter shows Jack liked to watch when he was ignoring her and--
"Infrared is picking up a secret door!" one of them yelled, and now they had Wuya's attention.
She stepped closer, watching as they struggled to pull some of the larger rocks out of the way. It was pathetic in a way that reminded her even more of Jack, which reminded her of the fact that Jack was currently working alongside Chase on some evil plan that the warlord had not wanted to tell her about, which only made her more annoyed.
"Move," she told the humans, and they had the good sense to scuttle like insects before her even if the one with the camera was pointing her way. Wuya was not at full power by any stretch of the imagination, but she had the strength to move a few pebbles and open a rotting wood door.
She strode into the darkened passageway, then turned back to the humans. "You have a device to see in the dark, do you not?"
One of the hosts nodded.
"Very well. Come with me." She had some night-vision, but not enough for the intricate lock she remembered in their vault. Wuya might detest most of Jack's technological distractions, but she had learned that some had their uses. The host hustled to keep up with her, followed by the person with the camera.
Wuya gave careful instructions for the little man to follow, his hands shaking as he reached in, turning and sliding the pieces of metal embedded in the vault door. Finally there was a loud, solid thunk and a scream as the host saw through his device that his hand had been severed at the wrist before he even felt the pain. The metal on the door began to glow softly as blood absorbed into it, and then it swung open.
The host was still screaming, an altogether delightful sound, and the camera person was clearly frozen in place, not sure what to do, in the thirty seconds or so it took Wuya to step into the vault and collect the host's hand. She paused for a moment, but he had been properly deferential to her, so it was only fair. She took the man's hand back to him, pressing it against his wrist so the enchantment that went with the vault's spell would knit it back into place.
He stopped screaming, instead staring at it in mute horror. The camera stayed focused on the healing arm while Wuya went back into the vault, opening the chest and removing the small pouch inside.
It was, she reflected, a bit of a shame she'd never thought to bring Jack here. It would have been so much more fun if she'd made him open the vault. Still, she'd gotten what she came for. She thanked the host and the cameraperson as she walked out into the overcast afternoon and then disappeared.
By the time Wuya made her way back to Chase's lair and inventoried the Qiankun Pouch to confirm it held what she was looking for, Jack and Chase appeared to be making some significant progress on… whatever the warlord had convinced Jack he wanted done. The throne room, of all places, was full of Jack's wires and metal boxes, and Chase was sitting on his throne reading a book, idly keeping an eye on Jack as the young man made his way around the room. Neither was looking in the direction of the niche where she was watching.
Really, Wuya had no interest in the details of what they were doing, only that it was an evil plan and Chase had refused to tell her the details. More than that, she'd tried to intimidate them out of Jack and he had had the gall not to tell her either. She'd known Jack since he was fourteen- five years now! He should respect her more than that. Or fear her. Or, ideally, both.
Either way, it was reason enough to ruin whatever they were working on. One of the wu she'd hidden inside the Qiankun Pouch was the Voice of Morgan, a simple wu shaped like a horn, but when it was triggered, it would make the inner monologue of the target audible to anyone in the room.
Clearly all she had to do was blow it at Chase, he'd think aloud about how he planning to pull the rug out from under Jack at whatever point was feasible, they'd have a fight and that would be the end of it.
Wuya triggered the wu as quietly as she could, not wanting to draw their attention or distract Chase from whatever betrayal he was plotting.
There was a momentary pause as Wuya waited for the magic to be triggered. Chase was looking imperiously down at Jack from his throne, his brows knit and his mouth a dangerous frown, surely whatever he was thinking would--
A low, resonant voice filled the room. Gods, why does Spicer have to have such a nice ass?
Wuya blinked, frozen where she was. What the hell had she just heard.
Jack paused where he was bent over one of his metal boxes and slowly stood up.
Damn, why is he standing up?
"Chase…?" Jack asked, turning toward the throne.
"Yes, Spicer?" Chase asked. Love that angle when he's looking up at me.
"Um, did you say something a minute ago? Or just now? Besides my name?"
Is he losing his- wait. "Wait." Is he hearing my thoughts?
"Am I hearing your thoughts?" Jack repeated and Chase's face went from distaste to active anger.
"How dare you-" Chase started, his own words being interrupted by his thoughts. Since when can he hear my thoughts- wait. I can hear my thoughts.
"Can't you always…?" Jack started to ask and trailed off as Chase's thoughts echoed again.
I wish he'd shut that fucking mouth if he's not going to let me use it.
Jack made a choking noise. "You- you can use it. If you want. I mean."
God yes I want him making that noise for me.
Jack's cheeks and the tips of his ears were bright red now. "I didn't know you liked-"
"I don't like-" I don't just like- Chase was flailing backwards as if getting away from Jack might help.
Screeching laughter finally echoed through the throne room; Wuya was unable to contain herself any longer. She was doubled-over laughing and she let the Voice of Morgan clatter to the floor, ending the wu's magic. Chase snarled and lunged at her, but he was slower than he usually was, and she managed to slip away, leaving the Voice of Morgan behind on the floor.
Chase picked it up, holding it like he was considering smashing it to pieces, as Jack came up behind him.
"I'm… I'm almost done with the internet hookup so we can put in the cat warrior webcams," Jack told him. "Maybe we could… you know, do something about all those things you were thinking?"
"Spicer that was- that was not some kind of flirt with you! That was mortifying!" Chase sputtered.
"Yeah but the things you were thinking weren't- they don't have to be mortifying. They could be fun," Jack said. "I've been thinking about you forever, but I didn't think you were interested."
"I'm not," Chase insisted, but it was a little less vehement and a little more petulant than usual.
"But you were thinking-" Jack gestured to the shen gong wu instead of finishing his sentence.
Chase glared at him. "Perhaps we should see how you like having your thoughts on display, Jack?"
"Wait-" Jack stumbled, "we don't have to-"
But Chase was already calling on the Voice of Morgan, and in a moment the deep, resonant voice filled the room again, this time with Jack's thoughts.
-if he finds out I want to bend him over his throne and fuck him so hard- oh god- stop thinking he's gonna murder me- god that's hot- STOP THINKING STOP THINKING STOP
Chase released the Voice's magic, not wanting to listen to Jack's panic any further, while Jack whimpered and closed his eyes, waiting for death.
And waited.
Finally he opened one of them.
Chase was handing the Voice of Morgan to one of his warrior cats, ask it to put the shen gong wu away with the others he held for safekeeping. Once the warrior left, Chase looked back at Jack.
"You may open both eyes," Chase said.
Jack had forgotten to open the other, but he did so now. "I'm sorry. I- I got your message about it being embarrassing. Lesson learned. Should I go?"
The warlord hesitated. "Your work here isn't done yet, Jack. Get back to work."
Swallowing hard and trying not to shake, Jack went back to work on the router he'd designed to make sure Chase's lair got high enough internet speeds for the warrior cat cam Chase wanted to install.
Chase went back to his throne, but he didn't bother picking up his book.
"You do have a very nice ass, you know," he told Jack, who had never stopped blushing and was now nearly as red as his hair.
"Thanks?" he replied, unsure.
"Now then, tell me more about how you'd like to bend me over my throne…"